safety procedures when caring for the elderly

[we are the world]

Hope that someone is able to offer some suggestions to assist with an issue I am faced with.
I don’t work in the health care industry however, I am a carer for my elderly mother is 91, has early dementia and lives in her own home. My mother has lived next door to me for the past 25 years and I provide her with care as she ages. Mum has always wanted to be independent and live in her own home. I am over mums every morning to prepare her breakfast and organise her for her outings. One of my siblings moved in with mum around 12 years ago. He started off with the intention of being there until he was able to sort out where he was financially. Well 12 years later he is still there. Mum enjoys having him there for the most part as she feels the security at night. We share responsibilities for mum and the rest of the family do what they can. I come from a large family and at times we have our fair share of problems. Most of the problems seem to stem from different opinions on how best to care for mum.
My dilemma is that I find my brother does not really have a good concept on safety for my mother. If I try and discuss something I feel is dangerous for her, he gets his back up and things tend to get nasty. I love my brother but it is just so hard to talk to him about the proper care for my mother as he believes he knows it all. I have tried to get the family together and ask for their support in helping me find a solution to assist my brother with identifying the dangers around the home and providing proper care. I find that I do not have the support I would have hoped for. At times asking for their support has backfired on me as they tend to see me as part of the problem, as they put it. The reason they like to say that is because I intervene when some of my siblings are having a dispute in front of my mother. The siblings in dispute seem to think that mum can handle it. That is another story.
I was hoping that perhaps there are some easy steps / guidelines that someone might know about that I could get hold of and leave them where he could see them. I have been in touch with ACAT and they have come out to mum’s a couple of times however, my brother is at work when they come over so it defeats the purpose of them coming out to discuss the dangers around the home. I just don’t want any more stress and bad feelings between us siblings in front of my mother as she picks up on it and it upsets her. I know that this only adds to the dementia, as I see her slip away a bit more each time.
Thanks for your help and your good work with the elderly.

[danielle]

Perhaps getting someone to come out with an occupational health and safety background might help? Sometimes the hospital can organise this for you (i have known this happens sometimes after people have falls, etc.), or local council. Someone can come out and asses the home for safety and occ health issues for your mum - they often make a myriad of suggestions, a lot of them very simple and easy things from a safety perspective, and take the time to sit down with family members to discuss - this may help your mum - and to initially break the ice with other family members?

[Snappo]

Has you mother had an ACAT? Maybe she is able to receive a home package, perhaps a carer for 2 or 3 mornings a week to assist with her shower, prepare a meal, or take her out shopping, etc. If this is the case, then the home care provider would automatically do a safety check of the home at the initial interview with the client and family (at least the ones I have worked for did). Anything they see as being unsafe, or a hazard, would be brought to the attention of the family, with suggestions on how to remedy this. It's usually small things, like hand rails in the bathroom, loose mats, just general things that the family don't see as unsafe unless they are able to look through the eyes of a frail, elderly person.

At 91, with early dementia, sounds to me like she would more than qualify.

[Sally]

Seems to me the 'snag' here is the other family members, especially the brother. Unfortunately, some men don't have the same understanding and compassion when it comes to caring for an elderly relative. Though I have seen some men who are better at it than women.
I really feel that before there is any resolution, first, the brother has to somehow come to realize the seriousness of the situation. I know what it does to a dear soul who is dependant on help from someone else, (in this case family) when there are disputes, disagreements and arguments etc. Not good !!
Perhaps someone could talk to your brother and explain the situation to him. It may be that he feels responsible for his mother's care and believes he is doing a 'good job' and doesn't like anyone interfering.

Softly, softly and carefully. It will take a lot of skill !!

I wish you all the very best.

Sally

[Administrator]

Snappo has a good point - there are services out there in the community that are freely available - I would ring and make an appointment - these people are professionals and will personally come in and meet with you in your mum's home, and take the time to chat with family, and assess the home from your mum's safety perspective - they are the experts. They are extremely practical with their suggestions, and help out in a variety of ways, and even bring some equipment over for your mum to try out.

Get the ball rolling and ring them. Before you wish "I should have done this earlier". Once they come in and meet with the family and your mum, even they'll be impressed with them.

You could start by ringing your local council/hospital - they should have all of the contacts.

[we are the world]

Thanks all for your impute. I will take on board what you suggest as it all helps. I have had ACAT out a few times already over the past few years

I have been in touch with ACAT and they have come out to mum’s a couple of times however, my brother is at work when they come over so it defeats the purpose of them coming out to discuss the dangers around the home.

Sally you pretty much understand what I was trying to say

believes he is doing a 'good job' and doesn't like anyone interfering

I can provide the softly, softly approach, however my brother does not know how to accept suggestions.
I have just spent the morning at the doctors with mum and asked him to do another assessment and also got another referral to ACAT. Hopefully they will be able to come out late afternoon so I could try and get my brother to come home early and be present that day, I'll wait and see what happens. Mum is not really into organizing services at home. I have tried someone from her church but mum didn't feel comfortable as she said that the woman just left mum sit on her own when they went to a gathering at the church. I asked her if she would like meals on wheels and she said that if she is asleep they will wake her up. Mum does not sleep well at night. Sometimes I just don't know what to do for her.
I am thinking of just not bothering to look for a job as I was recently made redundant. I may just end up being a full time carer. Mum attends day care run by volunteers 2 days a week. I currently volunteer there too. Maybe I will try and get mum into other day car programs so she could interact with other more.
I might see if I could make a list on what to be aware of when caring for an elderly person and stick it on the fridge for him to see. This rivalry thing drives me nuts. If only the priority was mum instead of ego. Sorry, I shouldn't waste your time on this. Should just find a way of dealing with things and cope. Anyway thanks all again.